A couple days out from chemo start-you and me

I had my chemo port placement surgery yesterday. It was an outpatient thing. That was really easy. I'm starting to feel like a pro. I knew to hydrate really well the day before. I woke up at 11pm to have a drink of water and eat crackers. I wore a zip down light sweatshirt with sweats and slip on shoes. I warmed my vein/arm up under the warmth of the blankets to make it easier for the nurses to get a vein. I made fists to help pump the blood into the vein area also. The anesthesiologist  put a relaxant in my I.V. Gave Frank a kiss bye and said see you in a bit. Was pushed down to the operating room, watched them pull all the gadgets into the room. They placed an oxygen mask over my face so I started to draw that in. The only thing that took me by surprise was the damn blood pressure sleeve on my leg. The first time it tightened on my leg I yelled "ouch, that hurts". They calmed me down (easy to do with the drugs). I watched Dr. Gottlieb walk in, I think it was him, I was so looped by then and before I knew it, I was waking up, done. I was making dinner for the kids that night, feeding the dog and doing everything else but not driving. No pain killers except extra strength Tylenol. I have a bump under my skin and a bandage covering the incision which is right above the bump. I really can't feel it. Easy pesy. I do have to carry with me a medical alert card that if I am in an accident and they go thru my purse they will find this card that tells them about the port. I have taken it one step further and ordered myself a medical alert charm to add to my breast cancer bracelet I wear all the time. It will have the red medic alert on one side and vital info on the other about no IV or pressure on left arm. Port info. Gottlieb's name and phone and of course my name.

I met with Leni again today. She advised me on further things to take and eat before, during, and after chemo. There are things that she has mentioned that I double check with the Dr. with but everything so far seems great. Is it working? I really don't know other then it sounds right. I've been upping my liquid intake measuring out water in a pitcher so I have a visual of what I need to drink...it helps me see my goal. 3 quarts of liquid is a lot of liquid people. Even if I start at 6:30am and drink 1 cup an hour, it will take me 12 hours to achieve my goal of 3 quarts. I try not to cheat but I count my coffee, my veggie juice, and whatever else I think qualifies. We all know the side effect of drinking this much liquid. I spend half my time in the bathroom. 

Mentally I'm doing O.K. It is the waiting part and not knowing how I'm going to react to the drugs that is unnerving. There are so many drugs I'm supposed to take in case of this or that. How do I know which one to start with? How do I know what I'm feeling is just a light symptom and not moving to some major side effect? The food is starting to wear on me now that I'm not eating the food I used to. The bean thing that Frank is so excited about is just not creating the same effect on me. What sounds really good is a great dish from Piatii's from here in town with a big glass of Cab. Well maybe next week...

So how do you mentally prepare for this. I am trying to think of it as a rebirth. This is my midlife crisis. I'm not cheating on my husband, I'm not getting the double D implants, I'm not going to the bars drinking. I am  having new 25 year old breasts reshaped on me. My diet has changed so I am now losing weight I could never get rid of and with the chemo, from what I understand, your body regrows. My hair comes back thicker, nails will be harder. My mental state after this will allow me to enjoy life more since I'm thankful for what I have. Someone had mentioned using the coldcap to save my hair. I'm not going to do that option. I figure it is my rebirth and everything on my body is going to get the full effect of chemo because I don't want to go down this road again. So, once my hair begins to grow back, I know I will be starting my life over again. Am I not going to cry? No, I've been crying all the time but I'm thinking of that as a way that I am cleansing myself to get ready. I know some of this is nutty but you need to do what you need to do to get yourself ready.

I have been snapping at the kids. They just can't get it, wash your hands! Don't put your foot in my face to show me your mosquito bite. If you sneeze, wash your hands, don't wipe it off on your pants and then go in the kitchen. When you walk in the front door, use the hand sanitizer. I know I'm on edge but sh#t can someone show me some sympathy here? I did lose it with the oncologists office today. I called to confirm my time for my appt tomorrow and they had no record of my apptappts right. Done venting...moving on.

I have all my prescription drugs, homeopathic items, sterilizing items, dietary items, and have arranged for the cleaning ladies to come tomorrow. They will come the day before my chemo treatments to clean and sterilize. To keep myself calm I try to listen to my favorite music and one song in particular by Dave Mathews. The tears roll down when I listen to it because it seems so far out of my reach but I know I'll reach the end. When I do,  Frank and I will pack our bags and teach our children to fly. Once I'm done with all this ....you and me