2nd chemo-4 days out. Feeling really good

It is Sunday afternoon and I just took a long nap. Seems to be the main side effect this go around from chemo #2. Really no bouts of nausea, no headaches, no ear pain, throat slightly irritated. The bone pain was more pronounced starting Friday night into Saturday. The base of my neck, down my spinal column, and my pelvis were achy. Not so much that it made me cry just achy. You've noticed I haven't mentioned my other issue....constipation. Hmmm that one seems to be more under control but far from being not a problem. Just kinda figuring that one out but if I get nervous I might have to go to the "big guns", Phillips milk of Magnesia. This must be one of those medicines where you stop in mid sentence and say to yourself, "where's the nearest bathroom?". It should since the label says, "this product usually produces bowel movements in 1/2 to 6 hours." in other words, don't be too far from a bathroom because you don't know when it's kicking in! Yes I know gross but sometimes the stuff you have to go through you just need to find something humerous.
My main side effects that I'm experiencing is that I'm very shaky, easily winded, simply weak, and my choice of food options are very distinct as to what sounds good or not. That turkey,jack,and cranberry on a soft roll from Dominica's downtown is my go to sandwich. For whatever reason, that sounds so good about Saturday afternoon after chemo. I go with the thought, what ever sounds good and makes you happy, eat it.
So,if the rest of the chemos are like this, I can do this. I had mentioned to Frank the other day if the chemo were going to be like the first one, I really think I was going to have a breakdown before each treatment because that was simply hell those 2 days. So don't know why it's so different but I am so thankful it is.
I went out in public today with my hat and close shaved head under. Felt weird. Maybe it was me but I felt like people were staring. Once I'm feeling better, I'll carry myself with more confidence and I'm sure that will have an effect also since I won't be sick looking. I have decided that scarves make me look sick. I like the caps. Their cute. As for my head getting cold, yes it does! I have a ski beanie that's white with 2 string pom pom balls that hang off the ends that I wear to bed. I just sleep sounder with a warm head.
Looking in the mirror the first time with a shaved head, partial reconstructed breasts was difficult. As I looked at myself close in the mirror I noticed my wrinkles were more pronounced along with my age spots. One positive out of this is that my blue eyes stand out more then ever, especially if I wear a blue cap. Even my kids mentioned it. So if you need to find something positive, here it is...I'll just have to do the best I can to accentuate how blue they are.
So, for now, all is good or as good as can be. I will be under self quarantine again this week since my white blood cells will fall to almost zilch, same with my platelets. Hmm what to do, what to do....

2nd chemo and I'm doing really well, which is scary!

So here I am on Saturday morning. Two weeks ago I was not functioning. I actually feel good, not great but I'm functioning. I started my meds much earlier and I am a fanatic about taking the meds on time, no lapsing. I think it's working. It's not like I'm running around the house doing laundry but I'm in bed resting watching tv and in an hour might go for a walk. I know it was about 10am 2 weeks ago when I went to my pilates class and then things went further down hill after that class. I'm hoping it just stays the same as to how I'm feeling.
So quick over view. Remember what I've done worked for me but you should consult your Dr. Tuesday night: stool softener.
Wednesday am: stool softener, drops, juice with vitamin E, zofran, mucinex, Tylenol, claritan d, mouthwash. Drink lots of water/fluids.
Wednesday pm: stool softener, drops, juice with vitamin E, zofran, mucinex, tylenol, mouthwash through out the day, ativan, added q-tip with neosporin to use for lining of the nose (suggested by another chemo patient to prevent bloody noses farther down the treatments.)
Thursday-day of chemo. Follow time restrictions for all meds and continue with all
Friday- day after. Got neulasta shot. Continued all listed meds within their time restrictions. Might increase the mucinex, ears are clogging up leading to ear ache.
So at 9:15am I feel good. Much better then 2 weeks ago. Scary! I can feel I'm shaky and I don't plan on driving anywhere today.
Last night I shaved my head or I should say my 18 yr old daughter shaved my head. By yesterday afternoon strands of hair were coming out. For me, better to be pro-active. I bought a shirt that says "I'm too sexy for my hair" I wore that shirt and Alex my daughter wore her's " save second base, support breast cancer research". I saw on her face book, she wrote my mom and I are a team. Took our picture together. Wow, no hair really shows off the wrinkles, bummer. Too bad chemo cant erase them also!
Feels weird having it so short but it still doesn't really bother me yet. It will be the in public that will rattle me. So for now, I think I'm good. Lots of cute hats to be discovered!

1 week out from 1st chemo-back to normal?

I am just about 1 week out from my first chemo. It seems my body has recovered to normal or it feels like normal. I still have a couple issues with my throat and it being irritated. I noticed when I drank my veggie juice yesterday, my throat became really irritated and scratchy. Maybe the condensed enzymes of the veggies irritated it? Don't know but going to ask. I stopped taking the nausea medicine yesterday and I was fine-yea! Did my Pilate's class and it felt great...much better then Saturday. I am going to stop taking the Clariten-D today. The longest I have read about the bone pain surfacing from the Nuelasta was 5 days out so I think I'm safe. The bummer of it also is the constipation and the issues that has given me is a concern that I need to ask the Dr. about. Sorry to be so "in your face" about something so private but when your dealing with this, always better to have someone else lead the way for you and well, I guess it's me!
As for diet, nothing really bothers me except the teas and lemon water I was drinking right up to my chemo day. The thought of drinking them makes me queasy. Just the thought of drinking tea makes me queasy so we will hold off on that. I am listening to my body as it tells me what to eat or drink. OK so I had a bear claw on Sunday morning for Mother's Day-it was delicious and it made me feel good even though it was bad. My inner soul smiled at that simple treat.
I go in for my blood work this am and to go over any concerns. I am still doing the homeopath  drops, flaxseed oil, veggie juice (becoming harder to drink). I have started my when protein drinks. I make a yummy shake made with whey protein, glutamine, almond milk, frozen vanilla yogurt, and a ripe banana. I make this everyday and try to drink it after I exercise.
Sunday I emailed one of my closest friends and asked for help. I really was scared especially since my husband was leaving for 3 days for work. She rallied the troops and arranged for dinners Mon, Tues, Wed. All I can say is perfect! The dinners just make it easier for the kids to feed themselves and not a hassle for me to make and clean the dishes. Even though I feel "right" during the day, in the evenings I start to get a bit tired, slight headache, and I usually head to bed by 8:00 and I'm snoring my 9:00. Maren, my youngest, tucks me in, turns the TV off and closes my bedroom door. I still do come down to a slightly messy kitchen in the morning but that's fine...you can't expect 4 kids to get everything right!

Yesterday after my shower I ran my fingers through my hair, which is really short now. It seems the shedding might be starting. I looked down at my hands and there was strands of my hair between my fingers. So we will see how long it holds out...once I notice a big difference I will shave it. Who knows if  one day it is becoming really bad, I might head into the garage and shave it myself. Heck, I do the boys all the time for swim, how difficult will it be for me to do my own? I know I will "lose it" if I'm in the shower and I see clumps of hair coming out. I will take control of the situation before that time comes because I need to and so does anyone else going through this journey. I am the boss, not the cancer, not the chemo, not the radiation, not the Dr.'s....I am the boss.
So, I have my game plan for the next go around and I'm feeling pretty confident that it is not going to be as bad as the first chemo.

The days after my 1st chemo-what a challenge

I left off my last blog entry from Friday night. It all went downhill from there. Let me first say for anyone reading this and having to face chemo, I think like many things, it's a learning curve. You really have no idea what to expect until it happens. You do your best to get ready to face this by researching, talking to to other women, reading forums, etc, etc. Once your in the middle of it, it's just difficult to try and follow your course but you learn from it. 

Friday night I started to feel achy, flu like. I took the Ativan to help me sleep, which it did. I did wake up a few times with dry mouth and drank alot of water and used the bathroom about 2-3 times. Even though I was up, the Ativan helped me fall back into a deep restful sleep. By Saturday morning I was in the midst of my flu like symptoms. I had made myself promise I was going to go to Pilates at 10:00. All the forums said you really should do exercise so I made that my goal. I think I did most of my class with my eyes closed trying to concentrate. I couldn't finish and ended after 45 min. I got back in my car with waves of nausea hitting me. My hands were shaking as I was trying to get the Zofran out of the package and under my tongue. I literally felt like a drug addict. The Zofran was going to save me from the misery that was coming over me. I crawled into bed and literally was in another zone. As the day progressed my flu like symptoms increased and then by evening, I could feel the bone pain coming that people have talked about from the Neulasta shot. I had taken the Clariton D an hour after the shot on Friday and continued every 24 hrs. It was supposed to help with the bone pain side effect. By Saturday night, 7:00pm every joint, muscle and nerve ending was hurting. It wasn't a sharp pain but a dull ache  but enough to make me cry. I remember my eye sockets hurting, my throat, my teeth and my pelvis. My skin hurt. I reached up to rub my shoulder and the touch of my hand on my skin hurt. I took the Ativan hoping it would put me out of my misery and luckily it did. When I woke up Sunday am, I felt better not great but better. By the time 10:00am came around I was able to sit at the table and have breakfast with the family to celebrate Mother's Day. As the day progressed, I became better then I had a set back about early evening. Went to bed and woke up Monday am. I actually felt normal Monday morning. Slight headache but felt good. I spoke with my nurse practitioner at the oncologist and asked "is this the hell I face every 2 weeks and will it get worse?" Her response, "we really don't know but your return to feeling better will take longer as you move through chemo".  Wow, what a downer.

What did I learn from my first experience and what am I going to do different?

1) Begin taking the Clariton the day before I start chemo. I am still taking it now 5 days out and probably will continue until day 6 or 7.

2) Start taking the Zofran right after I finish chemo. I am still taking it 5 days out and I will continue for a couple more days. The oncologists office said to take every 12 hours. The pharmacist said every 8 hours. There was no way I could make the 12 hours so I take it now every 8 hours.

3) Ativan take it the night before infusion and before infusion for anxiety. I think I will take it during the weekend also to help with the nausea and give me a "happier state" to be in.

4) Start taking Tylenol right after my chemo infusion to help with the headaches and continue through to the first day I feel better.

5) Start taking a stool softener the day before I have an infusion to give me a head start on this issue. Continue taking until I feel better. No amount of prunes will help you....

6) Mouth wash, same thing start early. 

7) I found laying on the floor and rotating my hips back and forth helped with my pelvis and the pain. A warm shower helped my shoulders overcome the touch sensation ache. I wasn't too sure about a bath and will ask. 

I am not looking forward to to my next 7 appts but lets hope my adaptations help me get through it easier.   I am still in awe of my body knowing how many medicines are flowing through and my body does everything it can to recuperate to come back to being normal. Even in the midst of this misery, I still would crave a food item which I feel was my body telling me I was still functioning and sending me a message of "don't worry, your healthy body is still here". I'm going to make it through this one way or another.

24 hours after 1st chemo

So. I'm 24 hours out from my first chemo infusion. I'm doing OK, well better then OK. I had my appt yesterday at 9:00am. I took a Ativan to relieve my anxiety...Frank drove me and I have to say the pill worked. His driving is the only time we fight and I was perfectly happy while he drove. The staff sat me down in the infusion center which had about 12 big Laz-O-Boy chairs. There were people in just about all the chairs. I had thought it was going to be weird seeing all this people just sitting enxt to each other but everybody just kinda minds their own business. Again, I was the youngest person in there. So they sat me down, and she removed the band aid that covered my port...I had place the numbing cream on it an hour before treatment time. She poked the needle into the port and set me up. My first cocktail (on Cinco deMayo mind you!) was for 2 different types of nausea drugs one after each other. The next item up was the Adriamycin It was bright red like Kol-aid, weird. Next up was the Cytoxin, which they administered more slowly. It all took about an hour and half.
Frank and I went to a local restaurant for lunch. I've been drinking alot of fluid. My first time that I urinated it was bright red. That was within 45 min of receiving the Andriamycin. Felt fine until about 4:30 then nausea came ever so slightly. Zofran time! Anyway you can read what I've done so far below. I have not followed all of Leni's advice. There were a few items that the oncologist strongly suggested I not take so I am being on the conservative side but everything else of hers I am following, drops, diet suggestions, teas, castor oil pack.
The big event when someone is on chemo is to make sure your body is getting ride of what your eating-you get what I'm getting at??? Prunes...need I say more, but I'm good, so far.

5/4/11 ambian-thank you for a great night's sleep
5/5/11 8:00am  ativan  (for anxiety)-thank you for making Frank's driving tolerable

9:00 am chemo
5/5/11 4:30pm zofran /slight nausea feeling. slight headache
6:00 trader Joe wheat thins 
7:00 pm nausea gone
7:10 drops, mouthwash, prunes, vit e drop tongue. 
7:30 dinner fish tacos-really you ask? Yep. there was a brief period of "that sounds good" 
7:45 sipping ginger tea
Tapioca pudding
9:11 Ativan. Special toothpaste, mouthwash 
Bathrm stop 3 times during the night

Friday May 5
No nausea. Chest slightly tight. Cough, slight headache (could have taken Tylenol)
6:45am Coffee, drops, granola , yogurt, blueberrys, probiotic pill,
 lemon water, 4 prunes
7:30 Emend pill
9:15am neulasta shot in arm. Staff asked questions-how you doing? 
10:15  spin bike 20 min
10:45 clariton d (to help with neulasta shot)
11:00 drops
Nausea 

 11:30 lunch traderjoes fruit/Israeli couscous salad. Added pinto beans. Munched 
on trader Joe honey wheat twist sticks. Seemed to do the trick for nausea.

I spend the day sipping on the lemon water, nettle, tea, water, and whatever else to reach my 3 quart status. So if I'm going to hit the wall, it's supposed to start tonight...we will wait and see.

Prune time...gotta go. Um that is to eat more prunes...

A couple days out from chemo start-you and me

I had my chemo port placement surgery yesterday. It was an outpatient thing. That was really easy. I'm starting to feel like a pro. I knew to hydrate really well the day before. I woke up at 11pm to have a drink of water and eat crackers. I wore a zip down light sweatshirt with sweats and slip on shoes. I warmed my vein/arm up under the warmth of the blankets to make it easier for the nurses to get a vein. I made fists to help pump the blood into the vein area also. The anesthesiologist  put a relaxant in my I.V. Gave Frank a kiss bye and said see you in a bit. Was pushed down to the operating room, watched them pull all the gadgets into the room. They placed an oxygen mask over my face so I started to draw that in. The only thing that took me by surprise was the damn blood pressure sleeve on my leg. The first time it tightened on my leg I yelled "ouch, that hurts". They calmed me down (easy to do with the drugs). I watched Dr. Gottlieb walk in, I think it was him, I was so looped by then and before I knew it, I was waking up, done. I was making dinner for the kids that night, feeding the dog and doing everything else but not driving. No pain killers except extra strength Tylenol. I have a bump under my skin and a bandage covering the incision which is right above the bump. I really can't feel it. Easy pesy. I do have to carry with me a medical alert card that if I am in an accident and they go thru my purse they will find this card that tells them about the port. I have taken it one step further and ordered myself a medical alert charm to add to my breast cancer bracelet I wear all the time. It will have the red medic alert on one side and vital info on the other about no IV or pressure on left arm. Port info. Gottlieb's name and phone and of course my name.

I met with Leni again today. She advised me on further things to take and eat before, during, and after chemo. There are things that she has mentioned that I double check with the Dr. with but everything so far seems great. Is it working? I really don't know other then it sounds right. I've been upping my liquid intake measuring out water in a pitcher so I have a visual of what I need to drink...it helps me see my goal. 3 quarts of liquid is a lot of liquid people. Even if I start at 6:30am and drink 1 cup an hour, it will take me 12 hours to achieve my goal of 3 quarts. I try not to cheat but I count my coffee, my veggie juice, and whatever else I think qualifies. We all know the side effect of drinking this much liquid. I spend half my time in the bathroom. 

Mentally I'm doing O.K. It is the waiting part and not knowing how I'm going to react to the drugs that is unnerving. There are so many drugs I'm supposed to take in case of this or that. How do I know which one to start with? How do I know what I'm feeling is just a light symptom and not moving to some major side effect? The food is starting to wear on me now that I'm not eating the food I used to. The bean thing that Frank is so excited about is just not creating the same effect on me. What sounds really good is a great dish from Piatii's from here in town with a big glass of Cab. Well maybe next week...

So how do you mentally prepare for this. I am trying to think of it as a rebirth. This is my midlife crisis. I'm not cheating on my husband, I'm not getting the double D implants, I'm not going to the bars drinking. I am  having new 25 year old breasts reshaped on me. My diet has changed so I am now losing weight I could never get rid of and with the chemo, from what I understand, your body regrows. My hair comes back thicker, nails will be harder. My mental state after this will allow me to enjoy life more since I'm thankful for what I have. Someone had mentioned using the coldcap to save my hair. I'm not going to do that option. I figure it is my rebirth and everything on my body is going to get the full effect of chemo because I don't want to go down this road again. So, once my hair begins to grow back, I know I will be starting my life over again. Am I not going to cry? No, I've been crying all the time but I'm thinking of that as a way that I am cleansing myself to get ready. I know some of this is nutty but you need to do what you need to do to get yourself ready.

I have been snapping at the kids. They just can't get it, wash your hands! Don't put your foot in my face to show me your mosquito bite. If you sneeze, wash your hands, don't wipe it off on your pants and then go in the kitchen. When you walk in the front door, use the hand sanitizer. I know I'm on edge but sh#t can someone show me some sympathy here? I did lose it with the oncologists office today. I called to confirm my time for my appt tomorrow and they had no record of my apptappts right. Done venting...moving on.

I have all my prescription drugs, homeopathic items, sterilizing items, dietary items, and have arranged for the cleaning ladies to come tomorrow. They will come the day before my chemo treatments to clean and sterilize. To keep myself calm I try to listen to my favorite music and one song in particular by Dave Mathews. The tears roll down when I listen to it because it seems so far out of my reach but I know I'll reach the end. When I do,  Frank and I will pack our bags and teach our children to fly. Once I'm done with all this ....you and me