Good for the body. Good for the soul. Two sentences I have said to my kids thru out their lives when making decisions. I said look at it this way, pretend "good for the body" and "good for the soul" are on a scale, one at each end, of equal weight. The decisions you make in your life should try to keep the scale level. Sometimes, the scale will tip when one phrase will weigh heavier against the other, but either way it is something good for you. This mess I'm in has made we realize just how important my scale is. At this point my scale has tipped heavy to the "good for the soul" with my group of friends and their support for me.
My tipped scale has made me also realize I have taken for granted friendships that I have built thru the years. When the kids were young all of us girlfriends connected every day because we needed the support of one another to get thru our day of work, crying toddlers, and other obligations. As the kids became older, we as friends met less frequent. We stopped depending on each other for help, and that's probably where I started to take my friendships for granted. Things within life started to speed up and became more consuming with my kids activities/sports. My kids and my husband were all I needed to keep me going. I started to distance myself purely by accident by not going to the morning coffees or not attending girls night out simply because I was tired or I wanted to spend time with my family. I did not make the effort.
This mess has made me realize how important these friendships are. My support system of friends and family are tipping the scale but in a good way. They are helping calm me with offers of bringing meals, carpooling my kids, walking my dog, running errands and who know's what else will come up in the next few weeks.
Having support during this time is so important. There are local support groups that help people with dealing with their cancer, the fears, impacts on their life and families. One group is the Cancer Support Group of the Bay Area. They have offices in Walnut Creek and offer programs for various subjects. I have not used their services but if my treatment options bring me to chemotherapy, I probably will. My group of friends are my support group and have helped my soul stay calm thru this mess. However after my surgery I will need to bring my scale back to the center since some of the things I have been partaking in with my girlfriends are not good for the body,i.e. lots of wine and decadent food! I am sure there will be a balance once again with all my friends but I will never again begin to take for granted my friendships. What I also have learned thru this negative is that when the time comes that one of my friends needs help, it will help my soul to be able to offer my help and comfort them like they have done to me.
So I have less then one week left, finals pre op tests are going to be done, our chair has been delivered for me to live in for the next 2 weeks. It's so ugly modern but it grows on you. Meal and ride sign ups have been completed on a great web site called Sign Up Genius. It allows you to create a chart of days you need help, meals, rides, grocery's, or what ever else you can think of. People then enter your website and sign up for a slot. It sends them reminders too! I still need to get shirts that open in the front for sitting around. Frank suggested men's P.J. tops, roomy and comfy. I still need to get the household set up so it kinda runs on autopilot. I am getting close to my goal but the getting Grant to the 5:45am swim/dry land workouts will be a tricky one to figure out! If he doesn't make it, he doesn't make it. I had the best intentions but it just may not happen.
I head to UCSF today with Frank. No one has called me to observe even though it is a service that is offered. They are confirming the pathologist report so I will have answers on that as well. I have been sleeping well which I am surprised. Maybe it is just my body telling me it is exhausted and ready to get this over with. Who knows.
What I do know is there is a pastry from this absolutely luscious bakery Frank and I were at yesterday in Sonoma that is waiting for me downstairs hidden in the back of my pantry away from my kid's eyes. A cup of black coffee in my beautiful new coffee cup from my girlfriends and this pastry will be good for my soul but not exactly good for my body...but at this point it can't do any harm. What's important to me the next couple days is simply, what's good for my soul.
Keep me company as I travel thru my journey facing breast cancer again.
Why would anyone want to read about someone else's problem when you have plenty of your own? Maybe one day a loved one, a friend, or you will be diagnosed with breast cancer. My blog might offer insite into cancer resources, thoughts, questions to ask, or guidance in helping you deal with this disease. These are my experiences and suggestions. Every breast cancer is different. If you are touched by breast cancer, be sure to consult your Dr. for direction in treatment.
I equate my blog to the emergency evacuation instruction the flight attendants do before you take off on an airplane. Nobody pays attention to them but when your plane is about to crash you think, "sh*t, why didn't I pay more attention to them? Which color cord do I pull first again?" We have so many things going on in our lives that one more thing to dwell on that doesn't apply to us right now may not be important but when it does, we wish we would have paid attention.
My blog is something you might read a couple times or maybe follow. Hopefully you gain some knowledge about breast cancer, in particular, Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (ILC). It is the 2nd most common type of invasive breast cancer however it only accounts for approx. 10% of all invasive breast cancers. It is the silent breast cancer. It is generally not detected with a mammo but rather an ultrasound. Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (ILC) is what I have been diagnosed with. My suggestion to every woman who is of mammo age insist on an ultrasound with your mammos.
UPDATE 3/2011
I have had my bilaterial mastectomy and I am recovering. ILC is a sneaky cancer as I said above. My various Dr.'s here and at UCSF confirmed the size of my tumor should be between 2.5cm-3.5cm with possibilty but not most likely, 7cm. After my surgery, my tumor was confirmed to be 11cm. My Dr.'s are very knowledgeable and are on top of things. This is simply the truth about ILC. I had mammos every 6 months, ultra sounds, and MRI's. With all of these, it was not picked up until 1/2011. The good news, if you can call it that, only 1 sentinel node out of 2 has micromastic findings and 5 aux. nodes were negative.
Be sure to start my adventure from the blog history on the right. I have tried to bold points to make it easier to extract the important information. If there is anything you get out of this blog, refer to my Dr.'s listed below if you know someone who has been diagnosed with breast cancer in the East Bay. These Dr.'s; Dr. Gottlieb, Dr. Wotowic, and Dr. Sherman are my 3 musketeers....all for 1 and 1 for all!
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