There have been lots of events in the past week that has made me think about decisions and what causes people to act on them. I'm not talking about the decision of what to wear for the day or what to make for dinner but rather decisions that literally impact your life. These decision's I talk about are to choose to live or die. You can go either route and follow your Dr.'s suggestions which could lead you to live or reject the Dr. and surprisingly break the social norm, and go on a separate path from everyone else to live or die. Neither decision is set in stone...until there is no turning back. What you do is what you feel deep down inside is the right decision even though it may break the social norm.
An acquaintance of ours had throat cancer and has now spread to his lungs and lymph nodes. He was doing a very aggressive form of chemo but he had been researching a diet that has "cured" people of cancer. He has made the decision to stop chemo and rely solely on this diet. It is Cancer Cure in in the Food, Oxaclic Acid or called Hart Dietary Procedure Plan. In his note to us he mentions he found God and then the miracles began to happen. He found this diet that will help him since the Dr.'s can not. Whether this will help him or not is in question, other then it takes a strong individual to turn away and break the social norm of conventional medicine to find an answer to live. It is his answer and his soul has agreed since there is no turning back because he wants to live. If he believes this is the way, there is no Dr. or person who could persuade him not too. He has found a calm in his inner soul on his path. We hope this decision is right but only time will tell.
My decision to use homeopathic drops and other alternative medicines, I also a broke away from social norms. Do I think it is helping me, don't know but it gives me a calm to think it is something I am doing to help me conquer the risk of cancer reoccurring. Changing my diet, exercise and such are all decisions I have made that give me an inner peace because I want to live longer. My decisions now are different then what I did a year ago because there is an inner calm that is helping me follow the right path. chemo for me is a small part of creating a nonoccurence but this event will and has created a huge impact on me and my family. I simply want to live and I will do anything to do it.
Then there are those who have made a decision that will perplex us to the point of heartache. A decision is made by a person that affects so many people but at the time, they may not think it will impact a broad range of people. They are searching for something to calm their soul. Our above mentioned friend found God and his new diet, I find calm in the support of my husband and my decisions to help me through therapy because I know I will come to an end and live. These decisions are in the hope of living because any other obstacle out there is not as great as our will to live.
On the other hand, sometimes decisions are made to end a life by their choice. In our Town last week we had that unfortunately happen to a 15 yer old young lady. I refer to her as "our" because she and our kids grow together. Same swim team, neighborhood, school, social events etc. All the kids in the neighborhood belong to us since we have known them for so long. Our Alliy's decision to end her life has affected all of us who knew her and her parents. She was an incredible young lady. Striving to be the best and showing all of us her bright and cheery side. Down inside there must have been something not right. She had something that so many of us that have/had cancer would give anything to have, that she made the decision to release, the will to live. In a split second, she choose to end it. Her decision was a deviant from one of the greatest social norms in our society and now we wonder, was there something we could have done to help her? We only hope with her decision, she reached a point that her soul was happy. We wonder if she would have held out longer, through the help of Dr.'s she could have gotten help and her decision would have been different. A difference we all would rather have embraced. Her decision to end her life was made by her. Her inner soul must have come to some sort of peace to make that final decision. It just is so tragic since there are so many of us doing everything we can to endure the pain of chemo and other treatments to live. Alliy's pain must have been different but her disease if it had been found early like ours, she could have been one of us, doing everything we can to live. Now we can only offer support to who she left behind, her family. They will never be the same but we are here to help them. We have made the decision to help them keep on living.
So, I'm at the start of chemo 3. Hoping for the best. I started all the meds earlier. Feeling loopy. Drinking lots of water. This go around I asked for fluids in an IV before we started to help hydrate me more-anything to help with the constipation issues! I have figured out the medicine so I don't have to get up in the middle of the night to take it. It balances the 9pm hour and the early morning hour which is perfect for me. Still following the same stuff, anticonstipation meds, Emend for 2 days, Ativan, Lonestran (? spelling), Claritan D 24 hours, Meusenex (?spelling), homeopathic drops 4x daily, Tylenol as needed for head aches, Occasionally I add heartburn medicine, Veggie juice with flax seedoil, ....did I miss anything? Ohh yea...my turkey, jack, cranberry (no mayo) sandwich from Dominico's down town. I know it doesn't fall into my "diet" but I don't care, I'm cranky and hungry.
My head is completely shaved. My hair was still in place up to my 3 chemo but I was shedding like a dog! Little pieces of hair everywhere-step back from the kitchen please-yuck. The best way to maintain is to use an electric razor. It's great! I have bald spots that are not growing back but its a clean shave. Not too bad if I say so myself. Now to get some sun color on it. Still not doing baldy thing in public because of all the little kids. I don't think it's fair to subject them to something like this and force their parent to explain. There are adorable carefree children that don't need to be dreaded by what cancer is.
So at the service the other day for Alliy, it was the first time many people in the hood realized what was going one with me. Shocker for them and shocker for me because of the stares. We all got amessage out of the service for Alliy, life is precise. Enjoy every minute of it because you never know what will happen tomorrow and what decision a loved one or friend will make, we just hope it is a decision that allows them to be with us forever.
Keep me company as I travel thru my journey facing breast cancer again.
Why would anyone want to read about someone else's problem when you have plenty of your own? Maybe one day a loved one, a friend, or you will be diagnosed with breast cancer. My blog might offer insite into cancer resources, thoughts, questions to ask, or guidance in helping you deal with this disease. These are my experiences and suggestions. Every breast cancer is different. If you are touched by breast cancer, be sure to consult your Dr. for direction in treatment.
I equate my blog to the emergency evacuation instruction the flight attendants do before you take off on an airplane. Nobody pays attention to them but when your plane is about to crash you think, "sh*t, why didn't I pay more attention to them? Which color cord do I pull first again?" We have so many things going on in our lives that one more thing to dwell on that doesn't apply to us right now may not be important but when it does, we wish we would have paid attention.
My blog is something you might read a couple times or maybe follow. Hopefully you gain some knowledge about breast cancer, in particular, Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (ILC). It is the 2nd most common type of invasive breast cancer however it only accounts for approx. 10% of all invasive breast cancers. It is the silent breast cancer. It is generally not detected with a mammo but rather an ultrasound. Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (ILC) is what I have been diagnosed with. My suggestion to every woman who is of mammo age insist on an ultrasound with your mammos.
UPDATE 3/2011
I have had my bilaterial mastectomy and I am recovering. ILC is a sneaky cancer as I said above. My various Dr.'s here and at UCSF confirmed the size of my tumor should be between 2.5cm-3.5cm with possibilty but not most likely, 7cm. After my surgery, my tumor was confirmed to be 11cm. My Dr.'s are very knowledgeable and are on top of things. This is simply the truth about ILC. I had mammos every 6 months, ultra sounds, and MRI's. With all of these, it was not picked up until 1/2011. The good news, if you can call it that, only 1 sentinel node out of 2 has micromastic findings and 5 aux. nodes were negative.
Be sure to start my adventure from the blog history on the right. I have tried to bold points to make it easier to extract the important information. If there is anything you get out of this blog, refer to my Dr.'s listed below if you know someone who has been diagnosed with breast cancer in the East Bay. These Dr.'s; Dr. Gottlieb, Dr. Wotowic, and Dr. Sherman are my 3 musketeers....all for 1 and 1 for all!
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