The kids-a train wreck waiting to happen.

I'm a big girl. I have come to the realization of what is ahead of me however I can't hide this from my kids. I did not tell my 2 younger ones about my previous lumpectomy but the older 2 were aware of it and they handled it fine. I think because I was up and moving around soon after-I was back to being mom.
This go around things are going to be different. The night of my birthday surprise, I had Frank tell my older 2 kids individually about what was happening with me. I was afraid they might hear it from a friend and how horrible would that be to hear your mom has breast cancer from someone outside your family.
They seemed to take it well. They were concerned about me being better and safe. Frank reassured them all was going to be fine. I noticed Alex a couple days later wearing a tee shirt for cross country that said, "save second base, support breast cancer research". I thought, OK, if that's how she wants to show her support, fine.
As the days went on, I spoke to a counselor at the hospital and asked questions as to how to approach this concern about my kids and their fears. Her answers just seemed common sense. Keep it simple, keep them reassured, and do not show fear since that will instill fear in them. Ok, sounds good in theory.
About a week ago, Alex and I were in the kitchen talking about who knows what, when she asked, did you have your surgery yet? I realized right then, she really had no idea what was laying ahead of me. I had explained to her prior to this conversation what was going to happen to me but obviously it was not clear enough. I told her more details about what was coming ahead. She was silent as she took it all in but I still don't think she realizes the extent of this. If she had no idea of the extent, I know for a fact, Grant is really clueless as to what is ahead. So, how do you get your kids "up to speed" on what is happening to you without scarying them? I simply don't know.
Consult an outside counselor? The only time we did something like this was when Grant was having some outside influences leading him in a direction that was not good. It reached a point, we decided, that we needed help and we wanted to send him a clear signal, there is a serious problem since we have now moved outside our family for help. We as a family have always worked out things with each other. Taking our problems to a stranger just reinforces the thought, "this is some serious stuff". So taking this issue about me to someone outside the family, I'm afraid it would scare the kids more then help them. Who knows maybe I' wrong. Maybe they need to know this is some serious stuff. I just don't know.
We will be telling our 2 younger ones this weekend. This will be tough. They take information and distort it and share it and then distort it again and share it again. I think this is where the concept of keeping it simple is more important to them. Their imaginations could run away from them. It will also be harder on them when I am not functioning as mom. I still baby them, so my downtime will have a greater impact on them then the older 2.
Once we have told the 2 younger ones, we will sit down with the 2 older ones again and make it more clear as to what lays ahead. Quite honestly, the entire household is going to need to get their shit together. Right now, they can't even get their dirty laundry downstairs or stop the bickering long enough to get the dishes rinsed and loaded in the dishwasher. I love my kids and they are very good kids but they are just typical teenagers and preteens. The stress level in this house is going to rise to a new level but who knows, maybe the group will pull together and get it done. Alex will be doing most of the driving and I'm going to have to rely on people for alot of help with swim practice, water polo practice, school drop/pick up, groceries, etc. One thing the counselor did say was very important, keep the routine going as close to normal as possible....as close to normal as possible??? She obviously has not been in this household-normal is frantic.
I am so worried about the kids and this ordeal that's ahead of me-we still don't know if chemo is in my future. I don't want them scared because I know I am. It's hard trying to give the perception that your strong but knowing your really terrified inside. As we move forward, I will probably contact teachers and coaches, create a chores spreadsheet (haven't done that since they were 6 years old), and whatever else to keep the house in order and the pet's alive and fed!
Frank says I just need to let it go and not worry. Things will get done...really? Things will get done alright but the house might burn down also. So I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best for this train wreck.