Tonight we received news of 2 people we have a connection with that passed away from cancer. It hits you hard the bitter reality of it, cancer can kill you. I'm still very confident I have done everything I can to prevent a reoccurance of or have the cancer spread in my body but then you hear about 2 people you are connected with either as friends or through your friends.
The first individual we heard about was at dinner with the kids. Grants FB lit up with notes about prayers for a family. I knew this person was not doing well and the cancer was spreading. His posts on Caring Bridge were always optimistic and tinged with sarcastic humor. His fight started a few months before me with throat cancer. I feel some guilt because Ben wanted to meet with me to talk about nutrition and some diet he was following. I quite simply was too scared. I didn't want to talk to someone who was terminal. I was having a difficult time grasping what was going on with me and trying to talk to someone else and having the words, " I have cancer" come out of my mouth was just too difficult. Also mentioning my reoccurrence % just made it more realistic I could die from cancer.
I followed Ben's Caring Bridge entries hoping things would improve, like another guy here in town. Ben's entries became less frequent and more detailed of the cancer spreading. I silently was fighting for him and holding onto the slim chance things could turn around...like with my cancer. Just yesterday I was thinking of him wondering how he was doing, so when we heard this at dinner in the restaurant, I had a few tears break out. He was part of "my circle" that I had been watching and following. So far everyone in this circle have been doing great so this was a blow to me.
We received our 2nd note of a death a few hours later. A friend's father had passed away from prostrate cancer. I had never met the man but heard stories. It just was another reality check-yep, cancer in its various forms can kill. It's just unnerving. There is a worry inside of me, that maybe my cancer will return but I am comfortable to say I have done everything possible to try and stop it.
I know there will be many more people and possibly friends diagnosed with cancer. They possibly will be reading and watching my blog, hoping for the best for me. What I do know is that I feel I have beaten the cancer. I just wish everyone could. My thoughts and prayers are with you Ben for fighting the fight and giving it all you had.
Keep me company as I travel thru my journey facing breast cancer again.
Why would anyone want to read about someone else's problem when you have plenty of your own? Maybe one day a loved one, a friend, or you will be diagnosed with breast cancer. My blog might offer insite into cancer resources, thoughts, questions to ask, or guidance in helping you deal with this disease. These are my experiences and suggestions. Every breast cancer is different. If you are touched by breast cancer, be sure to consult your Dr. for direction in treatment.
I equate my blog to the emergency evacuation instruction the flight attendants do before you take off on an airplane. Nobody pays attention to them but when your plane is about to crash you think, "sh*t, why didn't I pay more attention to them? Which color cord do I pull first again?" We have so many things going on in our lives that one more thing to dwell on that doesn't apply to us right now may not be important but when it does, we wish we would have paid attention.
My blog is something you might read a couple times or maybe follow. Hopefully you gain some knowledge about breast cancer, in particular, Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (ILC). It is the 2nd most common type of invasive breast cancer however it only accounts for approx. 10% of all invasive breast cancers. It is the silent breast cancer. It is generally not detected with a mammo but rather an ultrasound. Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (ILC) is what I have been diagnosed with. My suggestion to every woman who is of mammo age insist on an ultrasound with your mammos.
UPDATE 3/2011
I have had my bilaterial mastectomy and I am recovering. ILC is a sneaky cancer as I said above. My various Dr.'s here and at UCSF confirmed the size of my tumor should be between 2.5cm-3.5cm with possibilty but not most likely, 7cm. After my surgery, my tumor was confirmed to be 11cm. My Dr.'s are very knowledgeable and are on top of things. This is simply the truth about ILC. I had mammos every 6 months, ultra sounds, and MRI's. With all of these, it was not picked up until 1/2011. The good news, if you can call it that, only 1 sentinel node out of 2 has micromastic findings and 5 aux. nodes were negative.
Be sure to start my adventure from the blog history on the right. I have tried to bold points to make it easier to extract the important information. If there is anything you get out of this blog, refer to my Dr.'s listed below if you know someone who has been diagnosed with breast cancer in the East Bay. These Dr.'s; Dr. Gottlieb, Dr. Wotowic, and Dr. Sherman are my 3 musketeers....all for 1 and 1 for all!
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