Recovering great from the exchange. Incisions have healed. The shape is good but that will change as I go through radiation and the scar tissue begins to form through this process. At my last appt with my plastic surgeon he gave me some sort of lecture that scared me. I think it was more a stress thing for him. He was leaving the country for the month and he is so protective of his patients hes worried about something going wrong. So he tell's me things look good however I am to not lift weights, do excessive usage of my arms. He was concerned about the inside tissue becoming infected since it is raw. He went on to say it could turn into sepsis which could lead to death- is he serious??? What type of scare tactict is this? Well it worked. I'm being very careful about moving my arms and I haven't started radiation yet. That's next week.
Hair is finally growing back. The back of my head is getting really full so you don't see my head. The front is thinner but slowly filling in. It is grey with some blond. Once it's longer I'm coloring it. I am losing my eyebrows still. I use an eyebrow pencil to fill in where the brows are supposed to be. My eyelashes have thinned. When I put mascara on, they fall out. I know the hair is growing but I wish it would go faster. I also wish people would stop looking at me. I wish in conversations, people would stop asking, how are you? It's getting really old. I know people mean well but I'm trying to move on with my life. I'll not have thought about me,my looks, my future with cancer until a stranger says something, "your going through chemo" then I have to repeat my life story once again. I know I sound rude but sometimes I just like to retreat to my home where I can go hatless and just do my thing. I'm not becoming a recluse but I'm ready to do my thing without anyone giving me the extended look.
I might be grumpier then normal since I have a big task ahead of me for the local school. It's not like it's anything diffferent then someone who has to deal with projects at work but it's just starting to bother me. My neck is sore in the afternoons, I'm getting headaches now. I know it's not a sigh of anything to do with cancer, it's just stress. It will be over soon and I'll be passing the torch. Then I can start my life unattached to obligation.
I find it interesting the different paths cancer surveyors take. Some become big vocal advocates about breast cancer. Some people feel the need to climb Mt. Everest, run 6 marathons in a year, live a life that takes them to the edge. I'm still uncertain where or what I want me life to be after I finsih my treatments. Do I want to just cruise through life and enjoy every blissful moment or do I want to be busy event minute searching for things to do that can bring me to the brink of heart pounding excitement. You wonder sometimes,maybe I should conquer as much as I can because I don't know what news will come at the next dr.s appt.
Yes I know I'm venting. I'm frustrated and tired of being a cancer patient. I want to be normal again in my appearance.
October 16, 2011
October 1, 2011
On to the next step, reconstruction expanders out, saline implant in
So all has been good...I have not been wasting my days or weekends so again sorry about not posting I just have been busy!
I had my exchange surgery Tuesday, Sept 20th. Out patient surgery. Check in at 9:30, surgery at 11:30, out by 3:00 and home. So what did they do? I had my breast expanders taken out and replaced with the saline implant. I also had my port taken out......yea that means I AM DONE OFFICIALLY WITH CHEMO. I think it was more overwhelming knowing that port was coming out then doing the exchange surgery.
So, getting back to the subject. Saline implants are in. The incision that was made to get the implant in was a slice across the front of my breast, no upside down T. I have the clear plastic that covers the incision area. Coming straight out of surgery I had the clear surgical tape that covers the incision (2" by 2" plasticon each breast), the big gauze pads, my athletic bra, and then an ace bandage wrapped around me like a mummy snug. I called on Friday asking to change bras since this one was digging into my shoulders. Luckily the Dr. removed the outside ace bandage and the lose gauze pads. Still had to keep another compression bra on. Very little swelling or so it appears. On Friday they seemed slightly lopsided but by Monday, the size was even again. He filled me to 550cc...little bigger then what I want, actually alot bigger then what I want. His explanation is, radiation is coming. It creates scare tissue that contracts. The extra space that he creates with a larger implant now makes it easier to shape for the final implant I will get in about 6 months, silicone implants. I also know from experience last time, the saline implant went through radiation very well. I don't know if a silicone implant would do the same.
I'm a week and half out from surgery and doing really well. I have to remind myself not to lift heavy things, or pull stubborn weeds in the garden and just keep my arms and chest area "resting" for the healing process. I am still on antibiotics but I finish them in the next couple days. I will have the radiation mapping in a couple days and start radiation in a couple weeks. My goal is to get as healthy as I can before I head into radiation. Diet, exercise, rest.
I know I haven't written for a long time in my blog and who knows how current I will keep it. I just have moved beyond the very difficult part of my journey and I'm living again. I just don't have time to blog. I know when I was searching for women like me I would come across blogs that just ended. I always thought, oh my I hope they didn't have something horrible happen to them and they weren't allowed to continue blogging. I think now I know what happened, they discovered life again and like me, did not have alot of time to blog. They were getting on with life.
Believe me there are still so many thoughts that float through my head about various topics, the biggest is the fear of the cancer coming back somewhere in my body. Quite honestly, when I do think this, somewhere deep down inside me there is assurance, it's not. It's a sense of calm in my inner self that I know.
What I do know is coming back is my hair! August 11 was my last chemo and my head is covered with white baby hair. Still able to see the scalp but I think in about a week or two I might go without my cap in public, finally. I'm still losing eyebrows and my eyelashes are sparse. I used the latisse but all it did was make my existing eyelashes longer but didn't really help with the filling in.
So here I am 1/2 way time wise through the process but 3/4's of the way with the worst behind me. I'm happy other then dealing with 4 teenagers which would cause anyone grief. I have a major fundraising project that I head up for our local high school that I'm working on. It keeps me busy but luckily I have a co-chair who will be taking this over. After this event, I'm home free. What do I plan on doing? I plan on unpacking boxes from 3 1/2 years ago when we moved into this house, right after my 1st breast cancer diagnosis. It has taken me this long to do so because I held onto things I thought were important. I know now these things are not important and there's going to be alot of trips to the local Hospice thrift shop. It's time to declutter my life and focus on enjoying my life more because you never know what will happen tomorrow.
I had my exchange surgery Tuesday, Sept 20th. Out patient surgery. Check in at 9:30, surgery at 11:30, out by 3:00 and home. So what did they do? I had my breast expanders taken out and replaced with the saline implant. I also had my port taken out......yea that means I AM DONE OFFICIALLY WITH CHEMO. I think it was more overwhelming knowing that port was coming out then doing the exchange surgery.
So, getting back to the subject. Saline implants are in. The incision that was made to get the implant in was a slice across the front of my breast, no upside down T. I have the clear plastic that covers the incision area. Coming straight out of surgery I had the clear surgical tape that covers the incision (2" by 2" plasticon each breast), the big gauze pads, my athletic bra, and then an ace bandage wrapped around me like a mummy snug. I called on Friday asking to change bras since this one was digging into my shoulders. Luckily the Dr. removed the outside ace bandage and the lose gauze pads. Still had to keep another compression bra on. Very little swelling or so it appears. On Friday they seemed slightly lopsided but by Monday, the size was even again. He filled me to 550cc...little bigger then what I want, actually alot bigger then what I want. His explanation is, radiation is coming. It creates scare tissue that contracts. The extra space that he creates with a larger implant now makes it easier to shape for the final implant I will get in about 6 months, silicone implants. I also know from experience last time, the saline implant went through radiation very well. I don't know if a silicone implant would do the same.
I'm a week and half out from surgery and doing really well. I have to remind myself not to lift heavy things, or pull stubborn weeds in the garden and just keep my arms and chest area "resting" for the healing process. I am still on antibiotics but I finish them in the next couple days. I will have the radiation mapping in a couple days and start radiation in a couple weeks. My goal is to get as healthy as I can before I head into radiation. Diet, exercise, rest.
I know I haven't written for a long time in my blog and who knows how current I will keep it. I just have moved beyond the very difficult part of my journey and I'm living again. I just don't have time to blog. I know when I was searching for women like me I would come across blogs that just ended. I always thought, oh my I hope they didn't have something horrible happen to them and they weren't allowed to continue blogging. I think now I know what happened, they discovered life again and like me, did not have alot of time to blog. They were getting on with life.
Believe me there are still so many thoughts that float through my head about various topics, the biggest is the fear of the cancer coming back somewhere in my body. Quite honestly, when I do think this, somewhere deep down inside me there is assurance, it's not. It's a sense of calm in my inner self that I know.
What I do know is coming back is my hair! August 11 was my last chemo and my head is covered with white baby hair. Still able to see the scalp but I think in about a week or two I might go without my cap in public, finally. I'm still losing eyebrows and my eyelashes are sparse. I used the latisse but all it did was make my existing eyelashes longer but didn't really help with the filling in.
So here I am 1/2 way time wise through the process but 3/4's of the way with the worst behind me. I'm happy other then dealing with 4 teenagers which would cause anyone grief. I have a major fundraising project that I head up for our local high school that I'm working on. It keeps me busy but luckily I have a co-chair who will be taking this over. After this event, I'm home free. What do I plan on doing? I plan on unpacking boxes from 3 1/2 years ago when we moved into this house, right after my 1st breast cancer diagnosis. It has taken me this long to do so because I held onto things I thought were important. I know now these things are not important and there's going to be alot of trips to the local Hospice thrift shop. It's time to declutter my life and focus on enjoying my life more because you never know what will happen tomorrow.
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